you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
