is your mom at the bar?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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