So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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