Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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