it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
