So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
