Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
