Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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