So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
