I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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