Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
