I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
