I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
