Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
