I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
