I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
