Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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