I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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