hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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