I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
