i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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