Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
