im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
