moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
