I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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