Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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