Banned from zoo.
Again?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
