Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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