Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
