hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you would pick up someone in the library
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize