I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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