it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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