Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
