I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
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I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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