Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
