the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Randomize
