Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
