I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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