The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my being single is dangerous.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
