3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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