Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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