I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm like, not good at living.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
