I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
