I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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