her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
