Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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