You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
