the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
...so i touched it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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