Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
