The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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