I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
