new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
