she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
