Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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