absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Text me some of your sweat
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
