Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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