Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
