its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
