my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
