I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
