so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
