I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
