Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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