Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
