Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
