i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
