Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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