so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
