I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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