Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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