totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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