If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
