dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
